Sunday, February 26, 2017

17. You Are Not Alone

How any times have you felt alone in a crowd?

When I say crowd, I mean any social setup. It may be an office, a party, a function or a small group. You might have felt that while everyone was enjoying himself or herself, you did not belong there. You don't have to be an invert to experience this, though introverts are likely to experience this more often.

This experience happens to everyone sometime or the other. You may be an employee in an organization and you may feel that you are unable to connect yourself to the boss.You may be under the impression that the other staff have no such problem with the boss. This may just be your perception. The reality may be that many people have a similar problem. If this were the case, then it is obvious that you are not the one who has a problem.

Even if it were to be the case that most of the other employees have been getting along well with the boss, it does not follow that you have some fault. Perhaps your boss has some fear of you and hence has found it safer to keep a distance from you!

The only way to find out is to open yourself to your boss. You can express your feelings to your boss frankly and ask him  or her whether he or she has any reservations about you. In all probability, your boss will come out with a frank responses. He (she) may say that he (she) thought that you didn't like him (her). You will find that the ice is broken within a few seconds and the foundation for a warm relationship laid.

It may also turn out that your boss has some problem. Your question may act as a trigger and make him (her) share his (her) problems with you. Sometimes, this happens accidentally. I was once handling an assignment for a coaching institute. For some reason, the CEO of that institute was somewhat cold towards me. There were other people handling similar assignments but I didn't know how they felt about him.

One day,I was sitting with him alone, after everyone had left the office. A casual mention by me of another person running a similar business from the same complex made him open out. He told me that the person running the other business was employed by him earlier and that he had illegally taken copies of many course materials which he began to use for his own business. He talked to me at length sharing his anger and sorrow at the betrayal by his former employee.

After this incident, my relationship with that person improved dramatically.

I have mentioned other examples of your feeling that you are alone in a gathering. In such situations, just look around. You will definitely find at least a couple of people appearing to be feeling alone. Talk to one such person. You will not only find that you are not alone feeling alone but will also overcome your loneliness by sharing your feelings with those who also feel as you do.

Whenever you feel 'I seem to be the only person...,' reassure yourself that there are others who feel like you and that by connecting with them,  you won't feel lonely any longer.

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