In
the previous post, I said, 'Ask and you will receive.' But now am I saying,
"When someone asks you for something, say 'No?'" No, I am not. I am
only emphasizing th need to say 'No' when you have to.
Why
do you hesitate to say no?
You
don't want to disappoint the other person. (eg. your child)
You
don't want to displease the other person. (e.g. boss or colleague.)
You
feel an obligation to say 'Yes/' (to someone whom you owe gratitude.)
You
are afraid of the consequences of saying 'No.' (e.g. losing a relationship)
By
saying 'Yes,' you expect the other person to reciprocate your gesture sometime
in future.
If
you have other reasons you can think of, you can add them.
Whatever
may be the reason, the chances are that you are not likely to achieve your
objective.
The
other person may consider you weak or he may take you for granted. Or, he may
feel that he is so strong that you can't say 'No' to him.
One
of the most undesirable consequences of the failure to say 'No' is that you
create expectations in the other person. In future, if you have to say no to
him, he will feel as if you have betrayed him.
There
is a proverb in Tamil A beggar laments 'The noble lady who would always refuse to
give me alms, has refused today also. But what happened to the bitch who
was giving me alms every day?
The beggar is not upset by the former not giving
him alms, because he had no expectations from her. But he is upset with the
'philanthropic woman who was giving him alms every day.’ So, how can she refuse
alms to me today’ is the logic of the beggar.
So,
learn to say 'No' when you find the request unreasonable or when saying 'Yes'
will not be in your interest.
By
not saying 'no' when it
would be the appropriate response, you are making the other person dependent on
you. But by saying 'no,' when, you have
to, you are making the other person less dependent on you. This will make him
think of other options and will empower him by forcing him to think and do
things without relying on you.
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